Cat Caught My Tongue
by Schmidster8
Summary: Kendall desperately needs to tell Logan how he feels, but he can't get the words out.


This story came out of nowhere. It's just a quick little one shot and I hope you enjoy!

I do not own Big Time Rush. I do not own the characters, the music, or the band.

* * *

Logan buried himself in yet another book. He pulled it off the top of his "to read" stack as he placed his latest achievement on top of the pile that had to go back to the library. He leaned his head against his backboard, closed his eyes, and sighed. He hadn't left his room in a few days. He was too ashamed. Instead, he stayed in his room, read his books, did his homework, and placed headphones in his ear and faced the wall when his roommate came into the room at night. He knew he was pulling away at a time when that should've been the last thing he did. He should've been sitting upright on his bed, staring at the door the first night after he let his bravery get the best of him. He should've talked to his roommate and explained what he meant instead of blurting out those three words that seemed to have ruined everything between himself and his blond best friend.

_"I like you." Logan said to the blond leader of their band as they sat across from one another eating dinner. _

_Their two best friends, Carlos and James, had headed down to the pool to eat dinner with Jennifer and Lucy, respectively, and Katie and Momma Knight had treated themselves to a girl's day. They left to get their nails done, see the latest chick flic and have a nice dinner in the city. It was just Logan and Kendall that night, and Logan figured it was as good a time as ever to tell Kendall what he had been feeling for almost a year._

_Kendall looked up at his raven haired best friend in complete shock. "W-what did you just say?"_

_"I like you, Kendall."_

_"Yeah, I like you too, Logie. You're my best friend!"_

_Logan sighed and shook his head. He looked down, afraid to meet the green irises of the boy he was falling in love with._

_"No, Kendall. I _like_ you."_

_The only response Kendall could muster up was a simple, quiet, "Oh."_

_With that, Logan quietly apologized and retreated to his bedroom._

Logan opened his eyes again and stared at his next book. It didn't look as interesting to him as the others did. Instead, he placed it back in his "to read" pile and took out his iPod. He ran his finger across the screen and landed on a playlist made not too long ago. He was skimming the songs as he heard the door to the apartment slam shut. It shut with the force only three other men could've exerted, and immediately he wished it was and wasn't the same person at once.

Fortunately and unfortunately for Logan, it was who he thought. Kendall.

The taller man's footsteps were coming down the hallway and towards their shared bedroom and Logan quickly flipped on his side and stuck the buds in his ears.

Kendall opened the door slowly and took the sight of Logan curled up on his bed in as he walked around him to his own bed. He sat down, facing Logan, and spoke to his best friend for the first time in three days.

"Logan."

Logan's eyes shot open at the sound of his friend's voice and it took all that he had not to turn around and start apologizing profusely for making things between them awkward. But instead, he stared ahead at the blank wall and hoped to hear the music that was Kendall's voice grace his ears once more.

"I know you're not asleep, man. I don't know how stupid you think I am, but you're not good at faking anything."

Logan sighed. He took out his ear buds, wrapped them around his iPod, and sat up to face Kendall.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

What did he mean? Did Kendall somehow forget what had happened between them, or was he just waiting for Logan to acknowledge that this was his fault?

"For what I said the other night. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I didn't mean to make things between us weird. I just wanted you to know."

"How long have you felt that way?"

Logan blushed and looked at the carpet. What was Kendall doing? He didn't like Logan back. Why was he so interested in how long he felt this way? Logan had expected shouting, dramatic hand gestures, maybe even a change in roommate. Why was Kendall being so nice about this?

"A long time."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Logan sighed in frustration. He was a genius for sure, but reading other people was never his strong suit. He figured it was now or never, and he blurted out everything he had thought to himself these past few days.

"Look, Kendall. I know it was weird for you when I came out to you guys a few years back. And I know I told you all that I wasn't attracted to any of you. But things change. My feelings for you changed. I didn't mean for it to happen, though. A year ago when you began running through my thoughts more than usual, it took more to get you out. But then I stopped fighting it. I liked thinking about you all the time. It made me happy."

Kendall caught Logan's glance and held it. Logan couldn't pinpoint the emotion in the taller man's eyes, but it almost looked like disappointment. His idea was confirmed with what came next.

"It _made_ you happy? What changed now?"

Logan didn't know what to say. Should he tell him everything he's bottled up for the past year? Should he downplay his feelings to salvage what was left of their friendship?

He went with his gut and let Kendall all the way in. He stood up and paced down the narrow space between their beds as he told Kendall everything he never thought he would have the chance to.

"Last year when we came to LA for James, I knew things would be different. I knew we would all change. But I also knew we would always be best friends. I knew our brotherhood was the one thing that was never going to be taken away from us. When I started feeling things other than friendship for you, though, I was terrified. I wouldn't be the one to ruin the four of us. I didn't want to lose you. I know you're comfortable with me being gay now, but I also know that telling you my feelings for you had changed wouldn't have been easy. I figured keeping them to myself would be better for everyone."

Logan looked at Kendall as he passed by, and he saw the blond boy nodding in agreement. _He understands, _Logan thought to himself_. He knows where I'm coming from. He always knows._

"And then when Jo came into the picture," Kendall's head shot up at Logan's segue. Logan noticed, but continued anyways. "I felt like I was losing you. I know you cared about her and I didn't want to be an annoying friend. But honestly, I felt like you were replacing me. And I know that you weren't. I know that. I think I was just…jealous. I was jealous of the way you would look at her. I was jealous of the way her back was the one that got a comforting rub from your hand. "

Logan stopped in front of Kendall. Brown orbs met green, and he had never felt so confident than in that moment when all Kendall saw was Logan.

"I was jealous that hers were the lips you got to feel whenever you wanted."

Kendall stood then and looked down at Logan. He cupped Logan's cheek in his hand and felt Logan shiver. Logan sighed and swallowed hard, focused on the lips he so desperately wanted to feel. Kendall ran his other hand through Logan's short hair and let it come to rest on his collarbone. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the shorter boy's. Logan closed his eyes, savoring the moment, and Kendall took it as the time to make his move.

Bending down lightly, Kendall brushed his lips against Logan's. Logan grinned and pushed back into Kendall harder. Kendall gasped at the move, but loved it all the same. He pressed his lips against Logan's as they began to move in sync with each other. Logan's hands groped the back of Kendall's head and his fingers pulled on the small curls at the base of the taller man's neck. Kendall lapped along the crease in Logan's lips, and his mouth opened instantly. Kendall's tongue pushed across into Logan's mouth, and he heard a moan come from the back of Logan's throat at the new sensation.

If it was even possible, Logan pushed himself against Kendall's body even more, needing his touch. Kendall's knees hit the back of the bed and Logan fell on top of the younger man. He pulled away and laughed with Kendall who wasn't expecting that result either.

When they stopped laughing and were able to catch their breath, Kendall held Logan's face and looked at him. He saw his roommate, his band mate, his best friend. But he also saw the man he had fallen for so long ago. The one who gave him hope to try new things and to be better. He saw the man he had loved for so long.

"I love you, Logan."

Logan's smile disappeared completely, along with any color that was on his face before. He leaned out of Kendall's hands and stood up, watching hesitantly as Kendall sat.

"What?"

"I said I love you."

"No you don't. Are you mocking me? Is that what all of _this_ was?" Logan gestured to their shared room, referencing the moment that had just passed that seemed too good to be true.

"What? No! I promise! I meant what I did and I mean what I say! This was real, Logan! What I feel is real." Kendall looked at Logan with pleading eyes. He just needed the genius to know that he felt was real. It was genuine. It was what Kendall had felt for so long.

Logan shook his head and began to blink rapidly, threatening the tears that were on the verge of spilling over. He laughed in disbelief and walked out of the room. He went to the one place he knew he would feel safe again.

* * *

Kendall sighed deeply and slumped back onto his bed. He buried his face under his pillow and screamed. Why did he do that? Why did he freak Logan out like that? He shouldn't have kissed him so soon. He should've explained himself first. Logan at least deserved that. He had told Kendall his secret and Kendall couldn't speak then. He didn't even speak tonight. What was wrong with him? Logan is his best friend. He never has trouble talking to him. Why is it happening now, at a time when Logan just really needs to hear him out?

He got an idea then and rushed to the genius' desk. He pulled open the drawer and took a pen, a piece of paper and an envelope. If he couldn't tell Logan what he was feeling, he was going to write it.

* * *

Logan walked home from the library that night and for the first time, he didn't want to go home. He didn't want to see Kendall. His thoughts were racing and he was becoming increasingly anxious.

_I bet all of the guys now know. I bet Katie and Momma Knight know. They're gonna take one look at me and fall out of their chairs laughing. But where else am I supposed to go? _

Deep down, Logan knew it wasn't true. He knew Kendall wouldn't do anything like that. And hell, if he could tell Kendall how he felt, he could muster up the courage to take the 4 second walk from the front door to his bed.

He opened the apartment door and found no one. The lights were off, the kitchen was clean, and the only thing he could see was the light coming from the bathroom. He knew everyone had gone to bed already and couldn't help but feel relieved. He hung his coat up and placed his shoes on the rug with all of the others. He made his way down the hall and into his bedroom.

With one hand flat against the door and the other holding onto the handle, he bit his tongue as he slowly opened it. He found Kendall lying on his back, fast asleep. He walked in the room quickly, took off his jeans and got into bed in just his boxers and t shirt. He was about to rest his head on his pillow when he felt a crunch. He darted his hand around his bed looking for the foreign object that wasn't there before when his slipped over an envelope. He picked it up and read the front.

_Logie._

He sighed, pulled back the covers and went into the bathroom to read the mysterious note without waking his roommate.

Kendall heard the bedroom door close and jumped up. He raced to Logan's bed to made sure he found it. He smiled when he didn't feel the paper on the pillow anymore, and excitedly got back into his bed.

Logan entered the bathroom and sat down on the edge of the tub. He tore open the envelope and pulled out a sheet of paper filled with Kendall's handwriting.

_Logan,_

_I am so sorry. I am so sorry I made you doubt that I wanted you; that I love you. I am so sorry that I reacted so wrong at dinner the other night. I am so sorry that I let so much time come between us these past few days._

_Please just know that I truly meant everything I did and everything I said to you today. If nothing else, please just know that I was being honest._

_I didn't speak when you told me how you felt and I didn't speak earlier when clearly I needed to. I don't know what it is, but something about you makes a cat grab my tongue and refuse to let go. It's something that's always happened when it comes to you. It never happens with anyone else. Not even Jo, the girl you say you were so crazy jealous of._

_She meant a lot to me. She was the first person who made me feel like I was normal. I felt okay when I was with her. I was happy, I was entertained. But something was always missing. I never felt truly like myself. I always felt like I was hiding a part of me that I wanted to share with someone. I was never ecstatic to see her. I was never lost when I went a day or two without hearing her voice or seeing her face. I cared for her, but I never loved her._

_You don't make me feel normal, Logie. I feel my skin light on fire every time you touch me. My ears tingle when you say my name. When you come near me, all I want to do is hold you and take in your scent. All I want is you. _

_I never knew you felt the same for me and when you told me, I was shocked. I was so happy, I couldn't talk. I couldn't even think. All I could do was feel. And I felt warm and happy. Now, I wish I spoke. I wish I didn't waste that moment when it was just you and me. _

_I want you to know that if you ever give me the chance, I won't waste any more time. I know you said that you didn't want to lose me or our friendship. I agree. And if you don't want to give me a second chance, I'll understand. I'd rather have you in my life as just my best friend than as nothing at all._

_I can't live without you anymore, Logan. I love you. I need you. I want you._

_There will never be anyone else for me; you're it._

_Please believe me. Please give me another chance._

_Forever yours,_

_Kendall._

Logan's tears stained his cheeks as he cleared his throat. He placed the letter back inside of the envelope and wiped his eyes.

He tip-toed down the hallway and when he was safely back in his room, he placed the letter in his desk drawer. He looked over his shoulder at Kendall and smiled. He was on his side, facing the door now, and had a light grin on his lips.

Logan walked over to him and crawled into Kendall's arms. In his sleep, Kendall consumed Logan's body and rested his head on top of Logan's.

Logan smiled and felt Kendall's warmth spread to his body. He sighed contently as he kissed the sleeping man's chest. He knew that he would give Kendall as many chances as he needed, though he never needed any. Kendall was perfect to Logan. He was all Logan wanted. He was all Logan would ever want. Kendall could have all the chances he wanted because even when Kendall thought he screwed up, Logan knew he would never stop loving him.

"I love you, too, Kendall. I always have and I will never stop."

Kendall squeezed Logan a little tighter and inhaled deeply. Logan smiled, remembering that this is all Kendall wanted; to hold him and to take him in.


End file.
